Sunday, 11 September 2016

In all honesty...

Like the words of Lauryn Hill, I gotta find peace of mind…
I really have to find peace of mind or else I’ll lose it.
Here’s the truth...
When people ask me how I am, the bog standard response is that 'I’m fine', I've said it that many times that I don't even know the meaning anymore. I just don’t have the words to describe how I'm feeling, Its as if my body's become numb to my thoughts and emotions and I no longer have the words to execute those feelings.

In all honesty I’m a bag of emotions and I don’t know how to deal with it. I can’t differentiate whether its my hormones going on a rampage or whether I’m only just coming to terms with everything that’s happened over the past few months. The truth is I have so much anger that I don’t even know where its coming from. I get easily frustrated with everything nowadays, its as if I’m being hit with unwanted surprises. I feel silly when I cry so I try to suck it up. I have no clue what my purpose is. My minds clouded with a million and one thoughts. How do I focus?!  I really dislike  the fact that I don’t know how to be honest  with myself the majority of the time. It sucks that I can’t share my present memories with my dad and more so my brother. I can’t stand the fact that the only place where I can get any form of sanity or peace and quite is in the bathroom. I’m eagerly waiting to get my room back so I can lock myself in there from time to time. I hate the fact that I’m complaining right now.
I just want to do whatever it is that I want to do without the feeling of something holding me back. I don't really fancy comparing, contrasting and evaluating my journey and progress with others, can I stop it already ?!

Whoever came up with the idea of writing down your thoughts was a genius. 

But other than that I’m good. 
I’m thankful.
And after all what are blogs for?
To share whatever it is that I feel like sharing.

Shot by - Nikki Auterska @la_nikk

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